open book;paper roses

2006-11-18T15:42:00.000-08:00

It was suppose to be a perfect day.
I was suppose to go to sentosa with the gang.
I was suppose to get a tan.
we were suppose to have fun.
it was suppose to be a perfect day.

Then I had cramps.

I couldn't go to sentosa.
I couldn't get a tan.
I couldn't have fun.
I had to stay home.
Everything went wrong.

And it was supposed to be a perfect day :(

2006-11-17T00:15:00.000-08:00

We were talking bout war today.
you know one thing I hate about war?
its never-ending.
but you know what else I hate?
talking bout war and being tested on it.
why?
cause its never-ending as well.

O's just about draining all the energy outta me.72 hours till it all ends. can't hardly wait.

2006-11-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

But I'm not too sure
How I'm suppose to feel
or what I'm suppose to say but
I'm not too sure how it feels to handle it everyday.
Its so strange the way human relationships operate.

A week of bad timings, and I just feel like giving myself away at this point of time.

2006-11-12T15:41:00.000-08:00

Everythings seems to be doing great, I'm in the midst of my O's. There will be so much time on hand later on, so much hearts, books to fill, places to go with ones I love, bangkok, zoo, chalet, and perhaps indonesia too. Its just the start and I'm hoping for more. But somehow or rather, my head feels heavy today.

I miss the girl I meet up with almost everyday.I miss how she always makes me laugh and all those things we used to share. And I'm so glad everything's now back in place. thank you Bestie (:

And not to forget one more, LOVE. my very own special order. I miss you too.

2006-11-10T23:49:00.000-08:00

Secrets stolen from deep inside, watching through windows I'm wondering if you're okay.

And so sitting for maths P2 today had pretty much worn me out. It's uber depressing to see yourself not being able to do half the paper, to see friends weeping after paper, to imagine yourself crying on results day. Could anyone sit the papers for me?

And I would really love a hug but you're a continent away from me.
Sigh, as cliche as it sounds, I miss you. could we just kiss and make it up?

2006-11-10T01:35:00.000-08:00

Maths totally drove me up the wall :(

you know,everyone has a hypocrite in them, irregardless of extent
but you're so good at being one that you deserve an award.

2006-11-09T01:35:00.000-08:00

Hello world

Rebecca, I've never seen you like this before
and I have a bad feeling towards this whole thing.

Lots of love, earthlings.

2006-11-07T23:06:00.000-08:00

It doesn't help that my body clock is going haywire. All my waking hours are spent at subway studying with B&B but somewhere at the back of my head is this nagging feeling that no matter how much I try to pack into my brain, it's not going to help. This is perhaps me at my most desperate. I've already prepared myself for the worse, it's just like how people decide on how they want their bodies to be handled after dying.

I might appear to be totally incoherant and perhaps displaying imbecility. But no one has any idea how fast all the stress is piling up. I'll take heart in the fact that it'll be over soon, but soon is not fast enough.

I finally know what successfully tugs at the wrong strings.

I haven't been spending time at home for so long, I haven't spoken to my family for so long. I miss home :( I swear O levels robs you of everything and I just hate updating when all I can talk about are the exams.

'Cause none of us were angels, and you know I'll love you. Goodnight world.

2006-11-04T00:55:00.000-08:00

and with the radio blasting
goes cruising just as fast as she can now

I'm the sort of person who needs to put in twice as much effort just to achieve the same result as everyone else and that makes me feel stupid. I shall practise reverse psychology and do look forward to the O's. looking forward to the end of O's is good enough reason to look forward to it starting right? maybe not. but still, I'll try thinking that way.

Without saying a word, you can light up the dark. Many thanks for that wonderful surprise. Much love.

2006-11-02T02:23:00.000-08:00

It really hurts to see you like this
I really wish there was something I could do to help
Yet, I can only be there for you.

With all the love and faith in the world, Rebecca

2006-11-01T01:34:00.000-08:00

And because today I am tangled up in your dreams
in between our thoughts and everything else in between
with you, I could possibly collide.

collide into fear, that is.

Love,
I only wish for you to be fine and our photobooth romance to all come running back.

2006-10-29T00:19:00.000-07:00

The O's are drawing near, and I've been spending most of my days at subway studying with friends. Hasn't been all productive but at least I've been studying more than usual.

So today, I've decided to give myself some time off, to try studying with a more relaxed mind. I know I don't deserve a break now. The thought of not being able to enter my desired school occupies my mind all the time. And from time to time, I will get these panic attacks when all I really want to do is roll on the floor and cry. It sucks that I'm at one of the most important stages of my life, O's, and I can't help thinking that I'm going to screw up.

I started looking out for myself today,
then I stopped, cause I no longer understand.

2006-10-28T01:47:00.000-07:00

I hate the way you haunt my thoughts. the re-occuring visions in my mind on repeat mode. Maybe if I'm not here, it would all go away. If I cleared everything from the back of my mind. or perhaps if I numb myself, I wont feel a thing and if I dont feel anything, I'd be fine. Perhaps not completely, but that's good enough.

What was thought to be intriguing could wind up to become so taxing and draining. I think my only solution now is to mug more.

2006-10-27T00:05:00.000-07:00

Mugging session has been rather tiring and gloomy today. And I thought having some chilled strawberries might do the trick, but mum burst out in laughter to see me with the strawberries. What an irony.

For some reason I'll never understand. I became the kind of person I fought so hard to avoid becoming: I became a fountain that overflowed and flooded everything around me.

2006-10-26T01:17:00.000-07:00

You don't matter unless I tell you so.

Anyway, I spent the past few days or rather weeks mugging with B&B, Daryl, Zhengming and Xiongsheng. All those mugging, late night sleeps as well as food junk-ing doesn't keeps me very sane afterall.

7 more days
till O's officially kicks off.

27 more days
and I'm done with O's

3 more months to Bangkok
and I can hardly wait.

I don't understand life. I'm starting to think that I am wasting my precious time in the present anticipating for the future.

And when the future comes, which will be my present then, I will probably waste my time wishing for the future again.

Like chasing your dreams, material success and love just isn't enough.
Now, you've to chase time.

With all the love in the world,
becs

2006-10-23T02:01:00.000-07:00

Cousin and I discussed all about dealing with emotions earlier on, I'm not invincible. Neither am I a wall that takes bullets 24 hours a day. I'm not a great liar either. I just know what rock bottom is.

When you meet pain face to face; when you really lose your mind and meet it to feel it, you'd then have successfully hit rock bottom. And the great thing about hitting rock bottom is : it makes you lose all hope. Without hope, you'd realise that nothing can be that cruel afterall. Don't lick your wounds so soon. Go ahead and experience that fresh raw wound. Just let it bite into you, burn you so intensely until you feel like pulling all your hair out cause it would make you feel so much better. After being at the rock bottom, you'd have successfully met the devil of your emotions.

The stupid thing about so many people is that they try to distract themselves from pain. I seriously think this is closet masochism. Because if I told you not to work so hard for once, you start to think back on your ugly wound. Let it hit rock bottom, baby and hit it good.

2006-10-22T23:12:00.000-07:00

It's like I've lost my drive for mugging. I've art tomorrowowowow and i don't think i can remember anything. Oh yes, MY DEAREST B&B WENT FOR ICECREAM AND I MISSED IT :(

On a happier note, I shall be meeting B&B for movies and study session tmr anyway (:

life's full of dandelions & butterflies. at least that's what i choose to believe. at times.

2006-10-21T01:01:00.000-07:00

I know I should have written something earlier but I don't know what to say.And I suppose not saying anything would be better so there would be room for an air of mystery, a dangling question of how things are and what is and what should never be. I've been a complete emotional trainwreck and nobody is to blame. My emotions just becomes more complexed with time.

And I have an impeccable talent of messing anything and everything up because I'm programmed that way. Anyway, I suppose I don't know what I really want, to experience or even feel, because when life throws me something that could be slightly promising, I chicken out and run into my dumb papier-mache fortress that I built in my head. I just hope for the very best that I won't go crazy one day and leave a space in between everything and me.

To that big guy up there, just keep doing what you're doing and help me through another year alright?

2006-10-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

If time was on my side, I'd go on to explain what a F-ed up day I had. But in short, this has been my recent happenings or rather, misfortunes:

- In addition to the irritating cough, I'm now down with gastric flu and fever. oh great.
- As a result, I screwed up my O's practical. (wrong measurings with shaky hands and not-so- accurate observations with dizzy spells. F! )
- I still have lots of unfinished chapters/topics/subjects to cover!

Everything is falling apart.
Almost everything.
And maybe you'd like to tear it further apart too.

2006-10-18T00:55:00.000-07:00

Anyway, ever since I've been hanging out with my dearest B&B, I've been spending so much money on cheesecakes, good food and ice cocoa.Oh yes, I'm putting on weight too. It's crazy! I'm almost convinced it's easier being a man. BUT, I really actually don't mind spending so much to have such great fun with my dearest B&B, even if it means giving up all my wants. Alright, this is so contradicting.

If I went across the oceans with the same shoes and longer hair,
will you tell me that
this is the right time and the right place?

I know these feelings are all a little overdue.

2006-10-17T23:14:00.000-07:00

You wanted to ask me badly. But see, I dont think I will even have an answer that will satisfy you and I dont feel like giving you the benefit of the doubt. Plus, if I really do not have an answer that will satisfy you, then you will just end up feeling like crap. So really, why bother? I rather pretend you didnt admit it. The pleasure of being ignorant. I think its a choice.

I'm quite pissed actually. But that is secondary, tertiary if need be.
primary thoughts should be about chem, maths and art.
and I secretly wish uncle brings back the whole of thailand for me.

Oh crystal ball, crystal ball.
Save us all.
Tell me life is beautiful.

2006-10-16T00:04:00.000-07:00

Because Bestie and I are such spoilt brats, we refused to study today. Anyway, it had been one of the best days in the past few panic!-I-have-to-study months and we did some good destressing with my forever-so-loving art class. Bestie tagged along with us to submit our coursework. And so, see how crazy we can get.

I'm so glad I took art and met them (:(:(:

And now, I'm SUPER PISSED WITH BLOGGER. Uploading a pic seems to be such a difficult task for them. Pictures up tomorrow world.

2006-10-14T01:07:00.000-07:00

Graduation Day, Art submission, B&B gathering. And so, I could like finally bid coursework farewell. I hate saying goodbye to each and every one of my friends actually ):

Today was packed, so packed that I screwed things up. I'm always screwing things up. And everytime when everything is solved, another piece of fking problem appears.Well, it hurts, it did hurt, regardless of what the intention was. And I dont know what to do,cause I'll never be without you.

I'm sorry, I truely am.

2006-10-12T23:12:00.000-07:00

So after the short breaths, hungry nights and shut eyes, we tap the alarm clock, look at the time and quips wow that was the longest so far. One more day and we can send our eyebags as well as coursework off. It's finally over.soon.

for a moment or two or three, it seemed like the whole world was all out to get me today.

On a happier note, Graduation day and Sakae witht the B&B tomorrow :)

2006-10-08T03:38:00.000-07:00

Enough.
That is it.

2006-10-05T20:57:00.000-07:00

Been damn packed these few days, it's wake up, go for make-up classes,tuition, gatherings, time for bed and repeat. I'm totally drained now.

B&B gathering was a blast and I'm really happy for bestie (:

I just wanted to say: in a way it's different, perhaps in a way we can never describe.

2006-10-04T01:14:00.000-07:00

I've never felt so stressed over exams before and I don't know why it's affecting me so badly but breaking point seems to be inevitable, only an issue of time. Maybe it's just the lack of sleep.

On a lighter note, baking with the bitches for the bastards was uber fun.I can't wait for B&B meeting this weekend as well as my birkenstock (:

And he sang for all that we've been through.

2006-10-01T22:16:00.000-07:00

Sleeping at 0300am after a long day and waking up at 0900am when you're clearly aware that you've pretty much a truckload of work undone and tuition at 1030 ? NOT A VERY GOOD CHOICE AT ALL.

Maybe, if my heart stopped beating,
It wont hurt this much.
And never will i have to answer again to anyone.

I guess we're growing up a little too early.

2006-10-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

And you know you have crossed the line of no return.

Something made me said the above. but, its not just one, its many. I shouldnt condone such act, and why should I?

2006-09-30T02:02:00.000-07:00

Day out with Bestie was a blast. And so,with Bestie around, everything's gonna be fine.

Lastly, pictures up as promised.

2006-09-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

School today was pretty alright. Or should I say rather fun.Cause almost the entire day, I took the funniest pictures on earth with my oh-so-ever-lovely class. Rest of the pics shall be up tomorrow(:

And I was only right there infront of you.

With all the love in the world, Rebecca

2006-09-28T01:02:00.000-07:00

As we go on,we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change,
Come whatever
We will still be, friends forever

Almost close to tears, I browsed through albums after albums of all those captured memories. I never realised how much we've all grown, how much we've went through together as a class. Times when we broke all the rules, paper aeroplanes in class, dustbins as goals, words as songs, minor bickerings, emo nemo moments, practical jokes, genuine concerns, shoulder loans, screwed up test papers, I'd never ever be able to get those off my mind. I guess I could wish for all these to go on forever, for Graduation Day never to come, for all of us to move on altogether as a class. I was never ready to leave...

Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now
Can we survive it out there
Can we make it somehow
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep,I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's our time to fly...

2006-09-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

I've never felt this lousy,
Never done this badly before,
I ought to hate myself for all the bad grades.

2006-09-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

Prelim grades was disappointing and Jonathan wasn't crowned SG IDOL :(

I suddenly realised,today, I can't bear to part with the class, the school and all of my beloved girlfriends just yet, I'm just not prepared for a new environment.This sounds weird, but I really really don't feel like leaving anymore.

Have you ever felt like breaking down crying and exposing all your wounds and weaknesses, but still you'd try your best to keep it in, fake a smile and play make-belief? I'm not sure how I'm going to pull through this. It's the most cruel thing ever, like what bestie always tell me.

And finally a break from all the "breathing down necks". Life feels almost dandy fine and calm again.Oh if you're wondering, I'm all good. Not entirely recovered, but at least it doesn't hurt so much and I'm not thinking too much about it anymore.

Don't make me kill those.
With all the love in the world, Rebecca.

2006-09-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

So, today has been rather unproductive. Oh, and I mention that Jonathan was looking oh-so-sexy at the Sg idol finals (:(:(:

Alright, i guess it's time to get going again. Well, maybe it's time to end all this nonsense, I feel almost like I'm tearing myself apart. This human relationships kinda thing is really playing and wearing me out. It's like victim seeing the convict kinda thing.

I MISS BITCHY BESTIE.

2006-09-23T02:46:00.001-07:00

Anyway. so the prelims just ended. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the worst.That way, if I score even just slightly better, it's gonna be a good form of movitation for me. Two days to pick myself up.

French Cake, Pepper lunch, Starbucks, shopping and great company.Belated celebration with the girlfriends today was a blast.Happy belated 17 birthday,dearest CHERIE.much love.

Six minutes to type an entry! Cause I'm gonna crash now,02.45am. Gosh I'm so deadbeat that I can't even open my eyes wide enough to see the screen clearly.

Just don't let me fall asleep
Feeling empty again
Goodnight,world.

2006-09-21T01:30:00.000-07:00

It's amazing.They are real and edible.And I am going to try making it, one day, when i have the time of course. I think one person needs to eat at least 380 of those to fill their tums man. sheesh. See more:http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=111577.0

There are so many things I'd like to post about, like on my way to school, I always have stuff in my head which, I meant to post an entry about, but by night time Im not really in the mood. So there, this is just another pointless post. Some other time,soon.

Lots Of Love,R

2006-09-20T00:15:00.000-07:00

I've no idea how I'm gonna finish another chapter of Biology when my eyes can barely open wide enough.

Help me hold the pain a little longer, sit with me in the drizzle, put a smile on my face with hugs and kisses, only if you meant it, sweetheart, I'd never know. Help me pull through all that's happening right now :( I can't do it all alone.

Lots Of Love, R

2006-09-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

I have this incredible urge to start bawling.and I have no bloody idea why.

I hate sitting for the exams even when I know I'd flunk them all terribly.

2006-09-17T23:40:00.000-07:00

I know I'm always complaining that I want to lose weight but this is damn sick.Just look at the skin hanging.

My fan isn't even switched on and here I am, wrapped in my blanket.Its crazy cos my toes are cold and I still have got to stay up the whole night for the prelims art prep.

You know, I picked up one of my unwashed shirts just now and realised something.It smelled of Love's perfume.

Shit, six hits won't even get me high no more
so bye for now
while I go back to that crazy piece of drawing.

2006-09-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

When misery is an understatement and unhappiness is the emotion of the day, I guess its still so possible to still smile isn't it?I guess I overestimated myself, and I expected too much from Love. I'm truely sorry for dragging you into this mess I'm in, I'm sorry for losing it on you, I'm sorry for all those bitch attitude a few hours ago. I'm dying to call you now, but I guess I shall wait till you're done with your jeans.

Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must have been the first kiss
You told me that no one else in the world made you feel this.

Love:I'm sorry and I miss you

2006-09-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

I think I'll prolly flunk my general paper for the first time, as well as SS paper tomorrow. really. I'm just not trying hard enough for my prelims, topped up with those mood swings, I'll probably not make it through.

I wanna be your lake for your bay
and any problems that you have
I wanna wash them away
I wanna be your skys
o blue and high
and everytime you think of me
I wanna blow your mind

Love,I'm sorry for my insensitivity,those promises I made, I'll keep them.

2006-09-13T00:23:00.000-07:00

when someone said count your blessings now before they're long gone
I guess I just didnt know how, I was all wrong

they knew better
still you said forever and ever

2006-09-11T23:52:00.000-07:00

The week started out pretty badly.
Prelims kick off tomorrow,officially.
Art was crazy.
Night class was very unproductive.
Chill out session with the guys was sort of nerve calming.
I'VE GOT REAL PSYCHO TEACHERS whom really made me lose my sane.
this is a totally pointless entry

I think I need a bit of sleep just to clear my mind.
Good night world, good night you.

2006-09-10T14:06:00.000-07:00

HAPPY AIN'S DAY (happy 17th bday in advance)

A week shred to eraser dust.An entire week devoted to studying.Well,almost.I cross my heart that I did study a little everyday which would collect as a heap overtime.Hopefully.

Prelims in mere 2 days. I'm starting to feel that I can't do this. The only comfort I have right now is that it is not the O's. There'll be lots of last minute studying and depression moments soon to come, so this space is going to be rather unhappening/boring for now. Put up with it.

Good bye, lovely time.
Good bye, tinsel shine.
Good bye, I'll be fine.

2006-09-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

Night studies with Timothy has been rather productive. Apologies to Daryl for not being able to make it to another study session.

I told the others, my lovers,
both past and present tense
that everytime I see you everything starts making sense.

2006-09-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

It's been downhill ever since, but I could do absolutely nothing about it. In fact,the harder I try, the worse it gets.I only wish I had more time to paint and that the O level submission date wasn't so soon.Balancing art and revision at the same time doesn't helps at all, progress on studying has been rather stagnant,I'm extremely far behind compared to the rest.I don't know what I could have possibly done wrong to end up in a situation like this, maybe I'm reading too much into things, I just didn't expect to get so affected by everything,but I am. I doubt the situation will get any better, it's starting to get fustrating for me. I'm almost ready to throw in the towel.

Thank you for always looking after my needs in the best way you know how.

2006-09-06T23:46:00.000-07:00

E-maths is a pain in the ass. I give up too easily and ask too many stupid questions.

In all honesty it's been awhile
since I had reason left to smile

2006-09-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

I thought people should know that I'm not into petty fights,or taking sides.As long as you haven't done anything to hurt me delibrately,I don't see the need for drama.

I don't want to be 13 again and play the 'friend' or 'clique' games.

Anyway, the only reason for disappointment is expectation.So there, I expected you to be such a friend but I almost forgot to asked, if you have ever taken me as that important friend too.

2006-09-03T23:13:00.000-07:00

needs to stop procrastinating.
needs to stop procrastinating.
needs to stop procrastinating.
I think I annoy myself at times.

2006-09-02T02:46:00.000-07:00

Please don't stare at those pictures for long, cause this is the ugliest set of pictures taken and you guys have just seen that unglam and ugly side of me.

So, I'm really really tired now.Goodnight world.

2006-09-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

You can expect more than one blog entry from me each day now cause my holidays have started and I'm stucked at home with mountain high work instead of partying out.I'm feeling so stupidly bored now ,technologically deprived and bored out of my wits. Talking with Daryl only makes me laugh like an insane woman but still I'M BORED!!!heiojrngnshgkgnskhfkgnjsfugijhbnblsjflngklghiehslsgnlgs

2006-09-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate it when you're all alone and the need to burst out crying suddenly comes over, but the most you can do about it is just bite your tongue or twitch at the corner of your mouth cause the bus is too pack and you don't want people to get the wrong impression about you? But still you did,and when that guy beside tried consoling you, you just cried even more and scare the whatever out of him.

one step closer to the edge

2006-08-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

I LOVE MY CLASS AND MY TEACHERS.
Happy Teacher's Day specially to Mr Feraj and Mrs Ng (jyss hunk & belle'06)

so with that, nearly another week has flown by, yet again.

Funny how the thing that sucks the life out of me ends up being what I hold on to keep me from crumbling.I've never felt this way for such a long time.Never knew I could feel so helpless.

2006-08-29T23:36:00.000-07:00

A labyrinth of thoughts, all interwoven together with each one digressing further into yet another dreaded and convoluted maze. why do i feel like I've been here before?

halfway between the thens and nows

2006-08-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST LGJ CHUA WEN HUI (: SMOOCHES

exams, exams and more exams.the never ending vicious cycle of education.
slow suicide. like it or not, its what we've to do.

2006-08-27T22:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know I'm very much thinner now,I've lost 1 kg, grown taller by 1 cm and with that irritating cough, who would grow fatter.Yes, I know my diet is atrocious.Yes,I know that I have absolutely no sense of self-control lately.Yes, I'm doing very horribly badly for studies, having mood swings and I'm getting from bad to worse.Yes, I know I'm looking very unglam now.Have I anwered all questions already? Or are there more? Will you ever ever stop questioning me? I'm hooked. gone. addicted. whatever. just one more episode and i'm done.

Dear you,
You know, I'm sorry I always look-ed away, pretending I don't care and that I'm alright, but deep inside, I hope you realise the pain, how much I want to look into your eyes again, how much I wish you were back, how much I wish we could start all over again. The way you are calling me by my name now, the way you go after other girls, the way we walked pass each other, the way our backs face each other, it's really too much to bear.I'm not trying to push you away, but to see us in the state we are in now, I rather I lose myself than lose you.It's draining all the energy out of me.
Your words shouldn't have stung so much but for some reason, they did. do i blame you? no. but,I can't help but feel somewhat stymied by your caustic and and callous remark.Yes, still, I want you back. Tell me what could I do to bring you back.

no goodbyes. just I love you.

2006-08-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

So how's that for a four stories high mansion, a smiling bday girl, a fabulous necklace,the sweetest baby met on train and great company?

Happy 18th Birthday(in advance) Amrita, thank you so much for that enjoyable party(:

and I'm pretty satisfied with my bargaining skills today.Picture, a necklace,$14 down to $10, what a steal. Flea market was absolutely a blast.

Excess emotions drives us to extreme actions which in turn, horrifies and terrifies us as we realise what we humans are truly capable of.

7583926284586 thoughts on LOVE'S mishaps.and you know, I'd still rather dance with you than anyone else.

2006-08-26T01:03:00.000-07:00

Many many thanks to Aisyah,Yun,Yana,Ain,Hafizah,Irwan,Basirah,Muhaimin,Farhan.s for that wonderful gift today and practically the whole of 5n2 for making this 17 the sweetest one.

It's funny how you went after another girl,how I pretended I know nothing about it and tolerated it all. It's funny how you keep telling me I should take charge of my own life but when I try to,you lord over me till the end. It's funny how I cover up for you.It's funny how hard I always try to look away but end up looking back. It's very very funny.

oh god.

I've been living thru the past few days in a daze.Made some unbelievably irrational decisions and I don't know why its taking me so long to erase all possible traces of any feelings that might still be lingering around. Its pretty painful to think about and I feel pretty stressed up. This is dumb and its stupid and I want out. I really do but I can't bear to.

What a week, what a week.Roller coaster ride of emotions, seriously.

~~They say life's a mistake. I say you're my biggest mistake.~~

2006-08-24T22:55:00.000-07:00

CARRYING ALL MY THOUGHTS ACROSS AN OPEN FIELD.

I fall asleep,only in hopes of dreaming that everything would be like it was before, but nights like this it seems, are slowly fleeting.

I know that the people around me all seem affected and are concerned with my sudden silence and inability to smile anymore. That's why I'm trying to be happier.I really am trying.

It's tough to pretend to smile and be happy when what I really want to do is curl up in the corner and listen to the deafening silence.

The frightening thing is; as the tears are streaming down my face,I'm not filled with sadness or despair, but fear and jealousy.

I'm still hanging on here with the hope of you returning.I only know, I need you to come back, would you? With every beat of my heart, I still love you. Do you still do? Will all these ever reach that thumping organ inside you?

2006-08-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

THE GIFTS
SELF PROCLAIM CANDLE LIGHT DINNER BY DIA AND ME
WITH DIA AND...SAM
THE DUMB AND THE PSYCHO

ALL OF US.
OH-SO-LOVELY MINT CAKE
ALL IT TOOK WAS BESTIE & A CHERRY TO MUFFLE ME
LOVELY ONES (:

2ND CAKE WITH FAMILY

FINALLY 17.

Many many thanks to truckloads of friends for all the wishes and gifts :

Bitchy bestie,Pei Wen,Wen Hui,Lydia,Qian Ying,Cherie,Yi hao,Yin Yuan,Muhaimin,Basirah,April,Nan Shun,Jian Bin,Marcus,Ashraf,Zhenghong,Farhan.I,Farhan.S,See kuan,Aisyah, Yun,Fareez,Diyana,Hafizah,Rahim,Ramadan,Yu Fan,Jeremy, Angie,Vincent Chew,Boon Kiat,Eric,Hui Zhuang,Guo Liang, Zi Ting, Kexin,Shi Ming,Shu Qing,Siew Mei,Xavier,Mrs Lai.

Fukus//thank you so very very much for the surprise birthday party (: as well as the lovely mint cake, you girls can really plan surprises and make my heart goes ' AWWWW' Sorry for not being able to make it to Pastamania after school.Much love.SMOOCHES!

Mr Zhenghong// I can't help but cry over that extraordinary surprise. You've really got to be the best sis on earth.

Zi Ting,Kexin,Shi Ming// I LOVE YOU GIRLS. And this year I see you girls ain't going crazy over my nails and buying me nail polish again huh?The friendship cup was wonderful (:

Ashraf// My prom date ya. You've wished me 5 times in total.Thank you for being there for me,Fruits lover (:

See kuan// Thank you for that lovely dress and look above. Does it look okay on me?

Mrs Lai// You're the last person on earth I expect to wish me.Nevertheless,many thanks for giving me so much help with my art.

Jeremy//Thank you for spending so much,so much time on folding those lovely stars.

Hui Zhuang//Many thanks for that Artistic tee.But still, I'm not the princess in shit.

That one and only you// You're the only gift I wished for on my birthday. And yet, you never came back. But still, thank you for the wishes. I miss you very much indeed.

Last but not least, my super lovely family// thank you for being there through all my ups and downs, for all the love you guys showered on me, for tolerating with all my PMS and nonsense. I LOVE YOU.Mum, I'm looking fwd to my shoes this weekends. Dad, the 1st is approaching again.

23rd august 2006, A little more than just seventeen candles.

2006-08-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

And now if you wish to know how I ever survive school.Simple.

Put on a smile and tell yourself a lie every morning.

There, self-deception.
(now,if this answers all of your questions,can everyone quit questioning me about how school was?)

I really really don't mind being the girl with the sad eyes.At least I'll be real, true to everything.

2006-08-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

you know how they say a picture paints a thousand words? now try a picture,posts a million questions like:

1.Who in the picture is my bestie of 4 years?
2.Why do we look so particularly happy?
3.Why do I look so bloody happily in love?
4.Where've all the guys gone to?
5.Why ain't all of us kissing the bday girl?
6.How much have we changed since then?
7.Why isn't Qian Ying looking at the cam?
8.Why do I look stupid?
9.Why do I look so stupid?
10.Why do I still look so stupid?

and its funny how everything falls apart just as it reaches its prime.sometimes things I do crosses boundaries. I step on toes.sometimes you know what you're doing but you just can't stop yourself.and assumptions and rumours make everyone look the wrong way.

"In case i m really overwhelmed with work the coming week... to Rebecca... happy advanced birthday first (23rd Aug). Apologies if sounds in sincere... but i m really afraid that it might slip of my mind... Yup.... so Happy Birthday girl! and stay happy!!! =)" - Spotted on Marcus' blog.Many many thanks to the best friend for being the first to wish me. Too early, but still, very much appreciated.

2006-08-19T23:11:00.000-07:00

My situation is wearing me out.I want to push aside all these datelines and work,I need to go missing in action for awhile(if I could)

I know I've been bad, I'm rotten and no its not your fault. I have ten thousand reasons to give up on my bday.but 3 things keep me going.
1.THE GIRLFRIENDS.
2.Its my 17 ,like finally.
3. I wanna party till I drop dead

MR WOODEN PLANK, and even though so much has happened. I think its still ok.Yes, I can hear you but I choose not to.

2006-08-18T00:09:00.000-07:00

My days so far have been filled with ups and downs.And I finally made it to Friday.

I was terrible at floorball today.Mr'The Great One' excused me from the last game. Thank you Shahril for taking over.

On a lighter note, english course with Ashraf and Martin next wednesday (:

So I wondered about connection today.What if you and someone else were thinking about the same thing at the same time without ever knowing it? Quietly connecting unawaringly.Well, the world is only so small with that few billion people that it must happen quite abit. I suppose I just wish I knew what you are thinking right now.And significantly,if I am on your mind at all.Please stop pushing me to him, you know, it won't work.

Last but not least, HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY MR JAMES LIM JUN HONG

2006-08-17T00:07:00.000-07:00

If you think you're happy,then you're happy.
I AM HAPPY.
okay,it's not working.

I've had the worst day in school, but it ended pretty nice with Hafizah and Rahim.Inline hockey has been rather disappointing, I only manage to watch them train for 15 mins ):

And yay, Mr ZHENGHONG promise our crapping session tomorrow after disappearing for like weeks.Thank you for that 'accurate' feeling.I seriously miss all those 'jokes' and gossips.I can't wait to finish night class asap tomorrow, rush home, on the com and chat the night away.

I don't feel like blogging anymore because I suddenly can't stand the way I'm typing.Shall leave everything for tomorrow.

MR WOODEN PLANK, I'm glad we spoke. The only thing I want for my birthday is priceless and you know it inside.I'm praying for you to be safe at home now.

2006-08-16T01:06:00.000-07:00

Run over with your car.Back up over,then run over again.To-and-fro, to-and-fro,to-and-fro. SATISFACTION.

Short day in school today. Short as in, we end at 1.45pm. I shouldn't be so happy about it, I've much more long days to come, till our prelims. Speaking of prelims, I refuse to think about it actually.I wish I pull through this.

Rebecca, you seriously need to stop thinking of him,smile a little more and watch more inline hockey training.

Talking about inline hockey, Hui and I just got addicted to watching them play, I'm gonna see 68,28 and 90 more often.

If I could, I would blog about many more things that have been bothering me, annoying me.But now, my bed's calling out to me.

Thank you for caring so much about me,
thank you for wanting to talk to me all the time,
thank you for the continual love you shower on me.
But I don't think this is the time to talk about it.I don't want to go back to square one, to go through another cycle of being hurt and finding it hard to face another you in class.I hope you understand my situation and that it won't be easy for me, give me some space and perhaps things might turn out the right way.We'll still be best friends for now.Always remember he's your friend and I'm his ex.

MR WOODEN PLANK, I see that you might have found some sweet little girl you're in love with.But when it comes to me, you don't even notice me.I seem to be just your another ex.You really seem to enjoy driving away from my heart thinking that this breakup was another ended game.I'm not very happy with everything I hear nor things I see and yet I could do nothing but to see you go.Just give me a chance to hold on,something to hold unto.

Just one short little note to Mr Marcus Lim, I hope you're doing fine. Things over here are not that good but not that bad as well. Please get sufficient sleep and stop overworking yourself ,I don't want to have to lose my best friend. Leaving you a note here is a better idea ya? msging might distract you (: oh, and pretty please SMILE.

2006-08-15T00:27:00.000-07:00

JUST SHUT UP.SHUT UP! GET IT?

10 reasons to keep your mouth shut:

1) You ain't the one going through this pathetic break-up
2) You don't know how much has been put into this
3) Whatever you're saying, it doesn't make any sense
4) You ain't being supportive
5)You're upsetting me even more
6) I deserve at least a few years to heal this broken heart
7) I'm not crying over spilt milk, but a lost love and broken heart for heaven's sake
8) You don't understand how hard it is to go through this alone
9) I know I'm going to spend my birthday without him,stop reminding me, I got it at the back of my head
10) UNLESS YOU WANT TO LOSE YOUR FRONT TOOTH AND OUR FRIENDSHIP, you know better than to say those words

If you're being even a friend, please say something that makes me feel better instead of worse.I'm going through the toughest period of my life, if you ain't going to be there for me. The least you could do is to say something that makes some sense and stop reminding me that this birthday is the worst birthday I'm going to have.I know how very BLISS-ED are you with your pretty little darling boy. But mind you, I just had the worst break up in history. All these ain't making sense at all,alright.Don't make me lose it, I swear you're not gonna like me when I go mad, and I mean really mad. Don't try testing my patience and try your very best to explore that ugly part of me. So you think I'm one sweet little girl who would cool down after a few hours, apologise for losing my temper an hour later and forgive you like you've done nothing wrong? Well, you're very wrong then. You've never seen me really lose my temper yet, no one ever did and if you're trying your very best to be the first one to see it, I'm going to make you regret your stupid choice.

Human stupidity.

Last but not least, I LOVE CHUA WEN HUI SO VERY MUCH.
hui//now you see?I'm keeping my promise and I meant it from the bottom of my heart.
I love every single one of the girlfriends too (: and very special love to Ain and Hafizah for being my pillar of strength.Thank you for being so supportive of every single little thing, the hari raya, chalet invitation as well as all the tender-loving care.

2006-08-14T00:52:00.000-07:00

Dearest Sweetheart,

It's 12.39 and I'm not able to get to sleep knowing that every space in my heart is filled with you. At this point of time, I know I'm putting so much pressure on you.I can't help but to be jealous over the numerous testimonials you recieved from the girls ever since we parted ways,to let all my feelings overcome me whenever you're standing right infront,to see you walking with me behind and not by your side.I really wish I was brave enough to just go over, grab hold of your hands and start things all over again.
I'm sorry for being mean yesterday. You know, I really wish to speak to you, to have fun with you, to be holding your hands instead of walking alone.I don't like having to walk home alone, to see you and I parting ways, to see you, and not us walking down the road.
Deep inside,you know it's love, why are you choosing to be stubborn towards that?If you insist it isn't love, why don't I see you missing the others, and feeling hurt when you see the others walking apart? Whatever you are feeling, I'm feeling it twice as much. I've to admit that I miss you, your everything and so have you been feeling that way.
You're confused with your feelings,I understand this point very well,but when it comes to us, you shouldn't be hesitating. You know I'm still here, waiting.
4 months, to be exact, 4 months 2 days, our hearts belong together.We choose to be together, to brave through the problems coming at us, to be there for each other all because of-LOVE. I still want to see your msges, to hear your voice, to see 'LOVE' appearing instead of 'H**' on my phone. I still very much want to share gossips and whisper sweet little things into your ears.I don't wish to live everyday knowing that you're no longer mine, to go through my 17th birthday without you. I'm not doing fine,not enjoying myself, not sleeping well, without you. Nothing else is fine in my life without you. I'm very unwilling to let anything else in except you.

2006-08-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

Once in a house on a hill, a boy got angry. He broke my heart into a million pieces. For a day and a night,I wished for him to be back. Until I nearly died up there. So I came down the hill. Of course, to meet him once again at the bottom of the hill and make it all up again.

Sometimes I feel so out of place and out of sorts that I just want to bury myself. If it's so good being free, would you mind telling me why I don't know what to do with myself?

I wanted,
I wanted you to stay.
Cause I needed,
Needed to hear you say,
You'd love to love me again.

2006-08-12T02:10:00.000-07:00

Please pardon my hair.'Yellow' times.
Looking idiotic rather than retardedToday was a blast.
Sentosa was fantastic,ended up being burnt pretty badly, but I LOVE MY SKIN TONE NOW (:
Next was Esplanade, I spent nearly one hour getting pushed about, and what's worse, getting pinched in the butt by some sickos. All in all, I had food, fun, fireworks and great company :D

I just didn't know how to react, what was the right thing to do, and when was the right time.Words just got stuck-ed in there and never got out.I'm sorry I made you hate me, now, I hate myself for trying to make you hate me.Please do forgive me.

Because you live and breathe
Because you made me believe in myself
When nobody else can help
Because you live
my world has twice as many stars in the sky.

2006-08-11T22:53:00.000-07:00

You once whispered you love me, but do you really

I'm feeling really terrible now,because I'm suppressing that awful feeling inside for the whole of today as well as coughing my lungs out.

Wasn't really in the mood for floorball today,and that made me a very lousy captain who's daydreaming half the time.I swear I was hitting legs instead of balls.really. Sorry guys.

MT 'O' results was somewhat surprising, didn't really expect to get a grade 3 for the nonsense I wrote in paper 1. The grades weren't very beautiful to look at anyway, retaking might make it prettier.I want a grade 2 this time.

Plans for the weekend are looking good.
SENTOSA & FIREWORKS <3
just perfect to keep me occupied and fill that ugly void inside.

Maybe the best thing for me right now is to try making this heart of mine beautiful again, to get use to the empty space beside me as I drag myself to school and back home, the empty spaces between my fingers and the silent phone which will never ring again.

It's hard but I'm trying my best already.

2006-08-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

I don't feel like talking, I don't feel like moving, I don't feel like smiling,I just want to sit in my current hideously messy room and do absolutely nothing.

I can't take the distance,
I can't take the miles,
I can't take the time.
I still believe my feelings,
but sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you're close to me,
but it ain't close enough.
Never enough.

2006-08-10T02:39:00.000-07:00

Movies,steamboat and strolls with friends.and the worst thing about the movie was that the oh-so-wonderful guy in it is named exactly what I used to call you.

Many familar places visited today, and I can't help but to wish that you were here, just like before. Train rides without you, walking round Raffles shopping mall without your hand in mine and visiting esplanade without your love is pointless. I'm sorry for those awful words I threw at you earlier on. I supposed it's not a bad thing that all we had before is buried 5 feets under now,and the only familiar thing between us is the sound of our names.

2006-08-09T13:20:00.000-07:00

Marcus, I know you've got my back and I've got yours too. I don't have to say a word and you know what i feel, thank you for all the wonderful surprises and bus rides last night. I'm keeping my promises.

If you see with only your eyes open and nothing else you'll miss out on what your heart and mind needs to know.And I know I'm seeing as well as thinking with my heart. I thought to myself today, How sad to have to spend your life like that, by pretending to be like everyone until you forget what it really feels like genuinely to enjoy someone's company,and how hurtful it was to lose you. Contrived emotion replaces genuine emotion until the ability to know what you are really feeling disappears. Perhaps this is why there is so much phony conviviality in our lives today.

Happy 41st birthday SINGAPORE.

Movies and 2nd round of fireworks with the girlfriends now.

2006-08-08T18:53:00.000-07:00

I've no idea why but I didn't really like the sight of you today, and I've no idea how am I going to face you every single day knowing that you're never mine again.

I wish I could bury you ten foots deep underground, I wish I wasn't your classmate,I wish you'd choke on all the ugly words you threw at me, I wish I could pay you back 10 times what you did to me. Yes, I've more tears than anyone, I'm very sensitive and I'm over emotional.No one needs to tell me all these. I know it perfectly well.

Friendship would never exist when love is involved. I just can't imagine myself being friends again with someone whose hands I used to hold, whose lips I used to kiss, whose arms I used to cry in. Sure, if you want to be my friend again, repeat the cycle of how we became friends at first, and make sure that I know zero about you. Make that happen and I'll accept your offer to become friends again. You think I love ignoring you? You think I enjoy being mean to you? You think I've all the energy in the world to hate you? You think you're suffering very badly? Then I think, you never know what I'm going through every single day.You make me hate myself, you make me feel so lousy, you make me cry myself to sleep.I'm losing myself.

I cross my heart and hope to die before you.Cross my heart cause I don't want it anymore, cause I don't want to feel anything ,cause I hate being all panicky and depressed and then not being able to do anything about it

2006-08-08T00:45:00.000-07:00

Could it be that everything goes round by chance?
Or only one way that it was always meant to be.
You kill me,you always know the perfect thing to say.
I know what I should do but I just can't walk away.

some things just can't be replaced
nobody really truly knows how i feel

2006-08-07T12:45:00.000-07:00

The plans we made, all that we've given to make this possible, all the little things we do, times when we stood by each other, times when we shared all troubles and make them all right again, times when we argued, and how we always ended up apologising and making it all up again. And now, it's all over. The symptoms are too deep. I got you on my mind, even in my sleep.It's just no good without you. I wish for you to be back.

I woke up in pieces from making these changes
on the outside i'm trying
cause inside i'm dying
this broken heart was stronger then
now i cant stand to part with this
this broken heart

2006-08-03T16:59:00.000-07:00

I don't see why I shouldn't start applying the tried and true rule that applies to all sports unto my life.

I'm almost close to giving up, in case you're too blind to notice.

July is cursed,so is August.

2006-07-30T03:05:00.000-07:00

Throwing my tutor 3 stories down isn't enough to satisfy me. I'm going to throw her 101 stories down and stuff that bloody phone down her throat and make her choke on her words.

One last thing bitch, students from neighbourhood schools AIN'T STUPID. Get that into your peabrain.

2006-07-29T16:50:00.000-07:00

Competition 1:

-Search for two willing couples on the streets.
-Swop their boyfriends.
-Get the girlfriends to give as many love bite(s) as they can to the EXCHANGED male partners.
-The girlfriend who gives the most love bite(s) walks away with a stupid prize.

Competition 2:

-Search for two willing guys on the streets.
-Get them to undress,wearing only their underwears.
-Put on a set of female stockings and bikini in the shortest time possible.
-Fastest guy walks aways with yet another stupid prize.

Competition 3:

-Search for two wiling ladies on the streets.
-Get them to remove their bras in the shortest time(without undressing themselves)
-Fastest lady walks away again with a STUPID PRIZE.

and all these dumb competitions adds up together to become a so called 'VARIETY SHOW'.
It's just another display of human stupidity.

Love bite(s) are supposed to be a private act between couples.Whoever gives love bite(s) openly on the streets? and adding on to it,giving love bite(s) to a guy who isn't your boyfriend but a complete stranger? Try picturing your boyfriend standing beside you watching all these shit you're doing, for the sake of a lousy prize.It's an utter disgrace.

Secondly,making guys undress themselves in public,dressed up in stockings and bikinis? again, for the sake of that LOUSY PRIZE?

What else? taking off your bras in public and waving them happily in the host's face, like you've topped the exams. I mean, whatever the hell made these ladies agree to take part in this competition.Don't you have any dignity, self respect or whatsoever in you?

Oh well, stupid people do stupid things, displaying plain stupidity and worst still, everyone's watching it on TV.

2006-07-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

Everything that can go wrong this week has gone wrong.

2006-07-26T00:24:00.000-07:00

I was thinking just now,when I do have my own kids, what will I name them?

oh yes.Claudette for that sweetie, Tyler for that young lad.

and someone's being oh-so-sweet
awww

Take heart, sweetheart
and we're gonna be strong together.

2006-07-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

I've not been having enough sleep due to the insufficient time to do anything else at all other than study. (I don't know how I end up blogging here either.) Struggling to keep up with homework and doing lots of last-minute revision,this reminds me that I've yet to complete Feraj's assignment.It has been stressful nights in school and sacrificing lots of personal time.Hope this sustains and well, pays off.

It is almost wrong to be feeling this way now. I should know better than to let this get the better of me because it's absolutely meaningless,even more ridiculous when I can do nothing at all about it.

Tolerance is the only key to peacefulness.

2006-07-24T23:45:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's because I'm a Virgo+Leo.A mixture of both signs just made me to be a little different.
Being a part of leo,I can't tolerate my failures. I'm ambitious,self-opinionated,strong and just. My ego and arrogant nature also tend to hurt the feelings of others.Overall,I'm suppose to be the strong silent type.
Being a virgo on the other hand,I'm suppose to be creative,delicate,patient,observant,logical and someone cold on the outside.I could very well be named,weird.To be very honest,I HATE BEING A VIRGO+LEO.I don't like myself behaving like a weirdo,and not even understanding myself half the time.

But I've also learnt that I can be such a girl in another way round. I used to think,when I was younger, I don't need a boyfriend,I don't need a shoulder to put my head on. I only need paper qualifications, cash, friends and TADA my life is P-E-R-F-E-C-T.Just in case you didn't know,I used to snort when I see those girls hanging off their boyfriend's arm. I go

'ha-ha-ha!look at that stupid girl.They won't last forever.'
I know I'm a meanie,and perhaps that's what cause me to be who I am today,someone who fails to express herself in everyway, all I ever know is how to cry when I'm feeling terrible and laugh when I feel like it.

But now,I realised, Love is about putting yourself in the hands of someone else,and trusting the person not to let go. You see, opening up yourself to someone you love ain't easy at all,but slowly, I'm learning to be secure enough to let myself be vulnerable to a significant someone.

So,Love,I'm really trusting you not to let go.

2006-07-23T22:10:00.000-07:00

You're just that very bad habit that I identify with.Or maybe you were my ecstasy.

2006-07-22T17:52:00.000-07:00

Love,
I'd rather die a thousand deaths than to see us in this state.I'm sorry for caring and asking too much,I just couldn't help it.I always thought thats what a girlfriend is expected to do.I just like you to know,I don't like arguing with you,I just wanted to know what's on your mind,but I guess I did it the wrong way.I know I am very foul-tempered and tend to be out of my mind at times.
But You already know how much you mean to me, you understand my every thought and action,our memories is enough to paint this perfect picture with colours that never fade. You know,the very last thing I wanna do is to argue with you over small matters.I do love you,very much indeed.
The silence and formality between us now is unbearable. Please please please forgive me,and let us make it all up like how we were two nights before.

I just keep thinking to myself that I was more capable of loving when I was younger.But it seems like as the number gets bigger,the more caught up I am with my fears.

The more you see,the less you know

2006-07-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

Night studies are evolving more into catch-up sessions rather than studying sessions.But once again, I'm not complaining!

I hate the dull ache at the back of my head and the pit of my heart.Please let me hide under the covers again.I promise I'll be good and tell you I care for anything and everything(and that includes you)

2006-07-19T22:55:00.001-07:00

School's not quite the same without my lovely classmates.Maybe I don't quite show it,but I just love watching my class playing floorball.

Great game today.And thou I didn't get to play in the match,it was just as nice watching you guys play(:

Holding my breath,
walking at night with you.
I get to hear your voice again.
If this is a dream,
maybe you'll stay with me.
Stay with me,
please stay with me.
Always.

2006-07-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

I can be such a cynic sometimes.If everything will end without a tinge of hope of forever,why would I even fall in love.

Sometimes,I'm just tired of asking myself questions that I just go with the flow.It's not my agenda but I don't care anymore even if things just fall apart,cause everything falls apart,especially if it's beautiful.

I went to bed last night feeling sad,I can't think of a better word but sad.And I woke up today thinking the answer to happiness is Love,the key is to love someone more than yourself,loving them with all your soul.

Sweetheart,I'm thankful to you for everything,but I guess I still miss how we used to be.

2006-07-17T23:01:00.000-07:00

Falling down,it's all around,
it's the only thing that I found
beneath the sun.
Scattering,there has to be a lil more simplicity,to make this one.

The beginning of this week has been mad,mad,mad.

-MT listening was thankfully-okay.
-Dental appointment was cancelled due to a spoilt air-con?
-Night studies was so i-don't-know-what-to-say,with those irritating insects.

I know this is going to sound ridiculous but here's what I really want to do: SLEEP.
That is a luxury I cannot afford anymore.

I am tired,very tired actually.I just realised,all these while I've been so lousy,so not up to standard and so unproductive.

2006-07-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

You know,I've got the WORST tutor on earth,she's turning my life topsy turvy.And my patience level was obviously zero at 4 in the noon.One more insulting comment from the darn tutor and I swear I am going to throw her 3 floors down next sunday.

I am going to get stuck in that darn school from 7.15am-3.45pm,6.30pm-9.00pm from tomorrow onwards and I HATE THIS.

Love//I really hope the bump on your head is alright,can't wait to see you tomorrow.

Note to self//You're in bits now but you'll be over it soon. And when you're,you'll be wondering why you were torn up in the first place. Three more months bec,just three more.

2006-07-15T01:10:00.000-07:00

Baybeats @ esplanade with Love,Yana,Ril,Iza (:

Them,after moshing
Faiza and me,with our weird expressions,thou we did not mosh

Me and Love

Still active after moshing,

Sleepy heads back at Tampines.

I've never been to such concerts and seen such wild moshing.Surprisingly,I found myself letting go of everything inside me throughout the whole concert.And I'm so very sorry love,for being so inactive, just not used to the moshing.

Today has been the ultimate.

2006-07-14T21:50:00.000-07:00

The vulgarity of the heart, that's an inexpressible thing.No one needs to know of the nightmares in my head.Cause I am letting go.

I'm sorry I lied that I was happy.And no thanks if you're just contributing to all my unhappiness. Trust me, this is really not what I want. Someone, make this go away, make me happy.Please.

And maybe only you have the capability of ever making me happy,I just need you to hold me.

2006-07-13T21:34:00.000-07:00

From you,one look,
Just one look and everything is shattered.
From you,one word,
Stars burn and fall.

So far away,so outer space.

2006-07-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

Today has been pretty ugly.One ugly person spoilt it,if you think my skirt is way too short,you dislike my beige colour band,I suggest you quit your job,go around the bloody school with a damn measuring tape,pull out everyone with skirts 1 cm above the knee and I shall place a thousand dollar bet that 3/4 of the school will be pulled out by you.I don't see you pulling out your favourite kids and screaming at them in such a manner.oh well,maybe you're just plain jealous that you don't have slimmer thighs and for heaven's sake,my skirt is NOT short,go get yourself another pair of stupid specs.I don't think I deserve all these from you,thank you.

LOVE//I appreciate everything you've done for me and honestly,I'm really thankful to you.I'll be fine,I'm just being stubborn and I just love bearing grudges.but guess what?I'm feeling so much better after that lovely chat with you (:

If misery likes company,then I think it has found me.

Let it all fall,it never felt better than before

2006-07-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today's a lousy day.'O' MT oral was disastrous?I don't even know what I was blabbering about.I swear I must have look like an idiot to the examiners.Please slap me.

Did I mention kids nowadays are filthy rich?Primary school kids lunching at KFC,carrying the latest phones and branded stuffs.Their pocket money are 4 times more than what I got.What the hell is going on.I'm so damn jealous.

KFC=best invention on earth=best weight gaining centre.I'm not going near it for at least a month.I seriously need to shed those extras.

because you live, my world has twice as many stars in the sky.

2006-07-10T22:28:00.000-07:00

I'm in a mega ultra BRAZIL mood.I want the BRAZIL sloggi bras,bags,shirts and keychains.I want everything in yellow and green.Yana's so excited about it that she wants to drag her mum there,and I almost drove Bestie nuts with my obsession with BRAZIL. HAHAHA.

'O' level MT oral tomorrow.Bad-luck, PLEASE PLEASE stay far away from me. (I have always been right about needing more luck.)And not to forget it's mum's big day today.HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUM!

Bestie//please cheer up,your brother's gonna be fine.I'll always be here for you whenever you need someone.

You said you'd be my dream. I could have you every night. And if by morning I'd forgotten you, well,that'd be all right. Because you're the re-occuring kind. You'll never ever leave my mind.

2006-07-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

Excuse me while I go into my room to ponder over one important question in my life.

I think,I don't want to be selfish.I don't want to turn dumb and lost because of this.I don't want my past to go on affecting me.I've made my choice and I should go on believing this is the best.

The last minute sleepover at Min's chalet was great.

Love was with me throughout.
I'll always remember,
The sound of the TV.
The dim of the soft lights.
The scent of your hair,
My hair you twirled in your fingers.
And the time on the clock,
When we realized it's so late.
And this moment that we shared together.
Tell me,that we belong together,always.

2006-07-07T00:30:00.000-07:00

I WANT THEM BOTH!
Stamford House Back Alley
Saba Fish Spagetti :)
Never knew supermarkets could be so much fun
Oh-so-yummy Pastries

Cherry-Stones?Juicy Strawberries B&J's Wich

Finally,a visit to the bookshop

I finally managed to squeeze out that tweeny weeny bit of time out of my busy life to visit the bookshop,supermarket and have a lil fun with bestie.Went over to Stamford house UAN company's interview for that commercial job or whatever it is.A big thank-you to Jiemin for spotting us and giving us that wonderful opportunity,I didn't know we look that innocent.HAHAHA.

I really have got to talk about my Friday PE lesson.I swear I gave my best for floorball today,and in return I got a big 'O' on my knee(a gift by Vin.Y) I'm gonna get Ramadan and Rahim for making me run like some insane woman.And you know,this floorball game is gonna turn into an obsession.

TOMORROW
-Movie with Marcus
-Chalet & more time with love (:
SUNDAY
-Maths Tuition.
-Art 'rush hour' yet again.
-Worldcup Finals

And it seems like the entire world has plans for me.